Rich Brain, Poor Brain

If your mind is poor, I don’t care how much money you have, you will always feel poor.  The poor man’s mentality is fascinating because it comes out so smoothly that you don’t even realize it is something negative.

I do a lot of my thinking and observing on the train during rush hour in NYC. So many people crammed into one train car, drinking coffee, dreading Monday, living for Friday and praying that they win the lottery, even though most of us do not even play! Living paycheck to paycheck and even though we know the paycheck comes to our account every two weeks, WE STILL CALL OURSELVES BROKE….

Anybody that really knows me knows I love Google, so I decided to put ‘broke’ in my search engine to see what would come out and here is what I got:

broke
brōk/
  1. 1.
    past (and archaic past participle) of break.
adjective

informal
  1. 1
    having completely run out of money.
    “many farmers went broke”
    synonyms: penniless, moneyless, bankruptinsolvent, ruined, down-and-out, without a penny to one’s name, without a cent, without one red cent, without two pennies to rub together

Okay, I’m no rocket scientist but if you get money every week or every two weeks, how can you be broke?  Especially if you have the same 24 hours as everyone else.  The list of synonyms was actually painful to read….

So yesterday, a couple of my friends and I had a conversation about the comedian Kevin Hart, his old wife, his new wife and how he (allegedly) might be cheating on her (the conversation got heated, but that is something for another day).  We started talking about how he (allegedly) totally screwed his first wife who ‘held him down” before he was a household name and that because of whatever they signed, she was getting nothing monetarily.  Somehow we moved on to the topic of a prenup and I said “what is wrong with a prenup, what if you want to protect yourself?”  One of my friends said she didn’t have anything so what difference did it make?  I told her she didn’t know what would happen in 5 years and she said she’d be in the same place she was today. I was thoroughly taken aback by her comment to be honest. She said she would be in the same place in 5 years because she was in the same place 5 years ago…. That’s a mentality that I just cannot comprehend, no matter how much I love ya like a sister! The person I was talking to has a great personality, but wow, I didn’t expect that response. But it was a perfect addition to what I was trying to say with this piece. How can anyone predict where they will be in 5 years unless they plan to either do absolutely nothing or they plan to remain in the same state of mind without making a shred of effort to make a change. Why is being mediocre, and sometimes less than mediocre, something we allow to remain in our lives for even a moment?  Why would you want to live your life knowing that you will never improve, simply because you never have before?!  Especially if you work at your current job with the effort like you own the company?

Most of us work at our jobs like we are owners and CEOs of these companies. We don’t use our sick days because if we take a day off all hell will break loose. Nothing will get done because you are the backbone of your company, yet every time your direct deposit hits, you are crying broke!  I cannot say that I have always had an abundance of money, but saying I was broke went against everything I believed in.

I remember hearing Swizz Beatz on the radio talking about the Business Ownership classes he was taking at Harvard University.  The one thing that resonated with me was when he said (I am paraphrasing) that one of the most important and beneficial things a business owner can do is hire a manager because a manager will work hard for a company because the title makes it feel like it is their company.  In these companies that we work for, we are made to feel special simply because if we feel special, we will deal with whatever nonsense we are thrown.  We will deal with feeling broke every two weeks because of the letters after your name on your business card.   And even if you are NOT broke, your job makes you feel broke because sometimes the taxes are greater than the net pay!

I am going to share 4 concepts that will allow you to reform the financial part of your brain, shift the way you think, and allow you to feel more in control of your money – in turn making you feel wealthier.  The only way for these ideas to work is if you want to make them work and if you are willing to understand that changing your mentality will change how you feel about your bank account.

Being broke is mental, not physical.  The desire to be wealthy and the ability to love money without being controlled by it is more permanent that having a lot of money.  I can almost guarantee that once you feel like you have money, you will begin to actually have more money.  I do understand the concept of misery loves company and I know some people will not do anything to make themselves happy no matter how much sense it makes, but I will say that if you are reading this and you want to make a change DO NOT SHARE YOUR POSITIVITY WITH NAYSAYERS (unless you know they want to change as well.  That negativity is contagious!) Money comes and goes, but that money savvy mentality last FOREVA (in my Cardi B voice).

As long as you pay your bills and save money, live your life like you are rich.  This is two-fold.  In order for this to work, you have to have a good budgeting plan and stick to it (I am going to create a budget worksheet that will go along with this principle) If you try to save money and spend it before it has cooled in your savings account, it will be very painful to wait those next two weeks for your paycheck to roll around again.  Once you get in the groove of your savings, allow yourself to spend money on things you like.  Do not make yourself feel guilty about buying that bag or those cute shoes.  Knowing that your bills are paid and you have a little money saved will allow you to feel more in control of your mental, your life and your money.  You do not have to save a significant amount of money or spend $700 on a pair of Louboutins, so even if you only put $50 in your savings and you spend $30 on a pair of shoes, it will be freeing to know you can do it!

DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR GROSS SALARY!  Miracle worker, I am telling you!  Try to not even look at your paycheck unless the amount that goes into your account looks off.  The control that you will feel knowing what you have to spend is amazing to be honest and looking at how much they take out in taxes and other deductions will ruin your mood.  Any followers of the Law of Attraction know that once you start talking about your downfalls, more downfalls will come.

Do things that make you feel wealthy. I am not saying do it all the time, and this is only after you pay your bills and save a little something.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  It could be getting a latte from Starbucks or going on a cruise.  Speaking of cruises, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!  I felt like I was on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous on that cruise!  If I could go on a cruise once a year for the rest of my life, I would be HAPPY!  But it does not matter what you do.  Have a picnic in the park or a family barbecue on the beach, just do something.  Even if you just sip red wine out of a really big wine glass while watching Scandal :-), it is, as most things are, mental.

Life is too short to half ass it.  No one knows from one second to the next whether or not they will live to see another sunrise or spend another dollar.  Everyone has a right to live how they want, whether it is positive or negative, however, for those of us who want to make a positive change, before you can change your pocket, you need to change your mentality.  I do not even say I have a “lack of funds”, I simply flow with the moments until I receive my next dollar (which is not a very great span of time because of my mentality).  We FORGET how strong our minds are.  We ignore how delicate our emotions are and we abuse the sensitive parts of our minds.  We have the nerve to blame God, our environment or our parents when it only takes a few thoughts or even a good song to change our mood.  

Look out for a budget worksheet because I want all of us to lose this Poor Man’s Mentality!  Till next week!

Legacy, Legacy, Legacy, Legacy….

Most people of color don’t even know what this means. I got the idea for this week’s blog from Jay Z’s album 4:44.  I was so excited when I heard it because he talked about a lot of things I grew up learning.  And I thought, finally, a mainstream artist was saying the things the black community needed to hear.  I thought for sure we were on the road to recovery.  Then I started hearing what other rappers had to say.  I read negative comments on Instagram from every day people and I became disappointed. He was talking about the use of the “N’ word, legacies, how credit can help our communities, etc. and all Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion had to say was “I don’t have Tidal anyway” and that he would bootleg it until it came out on iTunes.  DISAPPOINTING.  Jay-Z said “you run this hard just to stay in place”.  Our community spends BILLIONS of dollars a year on items OUTSIDE of our communities.  Walk through any black and brown neighborhood and count the CHINESE restaurants, pizza shops and Texas Burgers you can find and I bet you will need more than two hands (I live in NYC btw).

Sometimes it feels like we don’t even want nice things. HUSTLING AND HAVING NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IN THE END IS A WASTE OF TIME.  IF YOUR KIDS GROW UP AND STILL HAVE TO HUSTLE, YOU HAVE WASTED YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.  We hustle so hard we forget what we are hustling for. We hustle for that fire we feel when we get some zeros in our account but to work for your zeros shouldn’t be #goals. Hustling to have the zeros work for you should be the goal.  That sounds so cliche, but the fact of the matter is that our people are literally DYIN for dollars. High blood pressure and heart attacks mixed with our bad diets is a recipe for disaster and death.  We work so hard that by the time we get home, it’s Popeyes for dinner. Surely if they wanted to take us out, they would put in the Big Mac or some Popeyes chicken!  But we are taking ourselves out cuz I’m sure the chicken and beef they tell us is in that meat probably isn’t meat at all. This piece is about leaving a legacy, but I’m going to share something for a moment of y’all don’t mind.

We don’t like to get organic food because we think it is too expensive and we refuse to shop at Whole Foods because of the high prices, but let me share this. Whole Foods Market has a brand called “365” that is cheaper than what you pay at many supermarkets. This brand also offers organic products, still cheaper than what you pay at many local supermarkets.  In addition to that, for those of us that have EBT cards, I can tell you from doing a part time gig there, you can use your EBT card to purchase ANY food (except hot food, of course)…. lastly, if you are going to purchase meat, you might as well get the best kind. We buy all this crap at Western Beef or whatever your equivalent is depending on where you live and don’t realize that the healthier you eat the less food you need to consume…. you eat a lot because of the chemicals they put in bad food (makes you crave more of it), not cuz you are actually hungry!  (ALSO REMEMBER THEY GAVE THE SLAVES THE WORST PARTS OF THE MEAT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY ARE PUTTING IN OUR SUPERMARKETS!?)

Now let’s get back to the legacy.

I said earlier that if you hustle all your life and your child still has to hustle, you have wasted your entire life…. But it what we are taught to do.  We are taught to get an education, get a “good job with benefits” and retire at 65.  JUST SO Y’ALL KNOW, THAT IS MODERN DAY SHARECROPPING (after slavery ended, slaves worked on the land they were enslaved on until the end of the crop season, but never really get paid cuz the former slave master had to “take money out your pay for room, board, food, etc”).  By the time you reach 65, you have collected so much debt, pay the minimum on all credit cards and still have a mortgage.  Now you have to keep working until you can live comfortably, which will most likely stress you out and lead to high blood pressure and heart attacks….. Ah, what a vicious cycle!  On sharecropping, I remember seeing the scene in Roots when slavery “ended”.  Everyone was jumping around excited about being free, but they are “free in America”, a place most of them were born but were not from, where they own nothing and barely own their freedom at this point.  Fast forward 152 years (Yup, we have only been free 152 years) AND WE STILL OWN NOTHING AND BARELY OWN OUR FREEDOM.

Why do we own nothing?  How do we physically have the same hours in the day as every other culture and we own NOTHING?  How do we dominate sports, entertainment, hip hop and so many other multi billion dollar industries but have nothing but a few dollars to show for it? MENTALITY.  Why do we hate people like Jay Z, Beyonce, and Oprah who have made it instead of taking their ideas and following in their foot steps? Crabs in a Barrel, but that ain’t none of my business tho.

Ok, so for arguments sake, lets say there are 2000 black people in your neighborhood and each person gets $7,000 in February for the tax season.  Your community is circulating $14,000,000.00 dollars.  For arguments sake, lets say each person only gets $3,000.  That is still $6 million dollars!  Where the hell is our money going?  Why do we not own houses or other properties?  Why do we have to BEG other people to come into our neighborhoods to clean it?

When we go into family restaurants or stores of people of other cultures, it is almost guaranteed that you will find children around or involved.  Why do we think this is?  They are grooming their children to take over, yet we barely want to take our children to work for Take Your Child To Work Day!  The motto of many of our families was that the children were to be “seen and not heard”, so how do our children figure out how the world works? We are taught and teach our children to not explore and not ask questions and to simply do as they are told.  While no child should be disrespectful, it is important for the child to be able to cultivate their knowledge of how the world works.  Have conversations with your child so when they are ready to go out in the world, they have the confidence to compete with people who have been learning to be successful all their lives.

What are some things we can do immediately to begin building up our community to start legacies?  Below, I listed four things that can be done to give our people and start and build up the confidence of the black community.  Please comment below or on my Instagram @msSavvySasha if you have any other ideas!

Buy Black. Start supporting each other.  Italian neighborhoods have primarily Italian restaurants.  China Town has authentic Chinese food.  Indian neighborhoods have Indian restaurants.  Black neighborhoods have Chinese restaurants, pizza shops and “chicken spots”.  Only place I can find soul food is Harlem, NY (which is presently undergoing gentrification, but that is a topic for another day!)  If you cannot find a black owned business for something you need in your life, CREATE ONE.

Stop maxing out your credit cards.  Many people max out their credit cards during the year and come tax refund time, they use that money to back their credit cards and other debt they have accumulated during the year or years.  Try to make larger payments during the year to cards you do have so when large amounts of money come in, you can save a larger amount as opposed to having to pay it all back.

Stop buying luxury items with your tax money.  Louis will be just fine without you and Gucci will be “gucci”.  It is fascinating how much we are willing to spend proving to each other that we have coins, yet no one is willing to invest that money to make more money in the future.  Nas said in him song Nas Album Done that we are spending our money to put their kids through college and when you think about it, if we didn’t spend all that money outside our community, our kids wouldn’t need to spend so much money paying back their student loans!

Have tax refund checks go into a stand-alone savings not connected to your checking account.  Preferably an online account because it normally takes two business days for the money to be transferred and by the time it gets to your account, you may not need it anymore.  It gives you more time realize why you shouldn’t be spending the money and will have a better chance of transferring it back as opposed to if it connected to your checking account where you can transfer and spend it right away while standing on the line at Macy’s!

A legacy is much bigger than the four recommendations I just laid out, but at this point, we ALL need to start somewhere.  We have too much money circulating our community to feel and be considered so poor.  TO BE CONSIDERED POOR brings me to next weeks blog Thinking Poor:  The Poor Person’s Mentality and Why it is Ruining Our Financial Future.

-Sasha Madeline

Mediocrity & the Death of the Hard Worker

Someone called me an assistant the other day. 

Someone emailed a client and told them I was the assistant. And typo or not, he actually said I was the “assistance”. And I was livid. Livid even at this moment that I am writing this. I’m not completely sure why I am so mad because there is nothing wrong with being an assistant. If an assistant is what your job title is, that is.

I am on the train this morning and I see a man in a suit with a folder in his hand. I can tell he is going to an interview by the look on his face. He doesn’t seem to have any confidence and it makes me sad. I feel like he is sweating too, and we just can’t see it.  The need to prove yourself to other people has become a form of disrespect. There was a time when going in for a job interview was the perfect way to showcase your skills, but in this day and age, it has become something created to ensure that the rich stay richer and the poor can’t prosper. The wait for an answer to whether or not they thought you were good enough is torturous, only to get an email saying “we found another candidate who fit the needs of the company” even though you knew going in that you were more qualified.  Fascinating that being overqualified is sometimes worse than not being qualified at all because you cannot be groomed”.  With the strain that the working class feels, why would anyone choose to move past welfare and section 8 when they can have the government give them money, pay for their food and home while they hang out with their friends (I believe government assistance is good if needed, but not if it is motivation to never work)?  What motivation does the average person have to get up every day and fight with people on the train or in traffic to go to a job they hate where people who make more money than them disrespect them, only to go home to spend a few minutes with their families?  What’s worse is that they go to sleep and do it all over again every day until they retire (or get fired)!  Their kids grow up and get raised by the streets or the nanny or grandma…. AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT?  Another line on your resume…..

Mediocrity seems to be synonymous with comfort.  Spend 8 hours a day doing something so that you can get a paycheck, benefits and 2 weeks of paid vacation. To have enough time to drop your kids off at school in the AM and give them a bath at night.  Mediocrity is a “four letter word” to me, I want to be more than mediocre.  Someone called me an assistant the other day and I was offended. Not because of being called an assistant, but because of how assistants get treated. How assistants are viewed and treated even though they know how to do everything, normally more than the person or people they assist.  The value and respect of hard work has dropped significantly and people do not care how you work as long as you make money for them. Employers want to save dollars so they lay people off, give more work to the employees that “survived” and when you get too tired or too frustrated, they just find someone who will replace you.  As someone who has been laid off before due to my position being cut, I can say that it is damaging to the ego.  I know the company wasn’t worth it and I told everyone I “got off the titanic before it sank”, but my ego was still a little bruised because I knew how much I did for the company. I knew how much they depended on me because I was a hard and good worker, but because they wanted to keep all the money at the top, they let the “little person” at the bottom go with little regard to the responsibilities that I had.

“Follow your dreams or you will end up working for someone who did.”  Yea, I don’t know who said it but it it sadly factual.  I have a coworker and friend who is one of the best and hardest working people in the entire company.  Seriously, she knows someone from every department so if u need help, she knows who to call, first AND last name!  She works harder than people who make quadruple what she does monetarily and with her skills and mindset, she should be somewhere closer to the top with a title that will earn her more respect.  But it’s not about skill set unless you work for yourself. Unless you are in control of what you put out, people will always dictate how successful you can be. That coworker, who is more qualified than most at many of the positions in our department had to INTERVIEW for a position everyone knew she was overqualified for.  The people who interviewed her know more than anyone in the company how well she would do in the position. She isn’t quiet about her feelings and concerns, so when it comes to knowing how she would react, they knew what she was about. BUT SHE STILL HAD TO INTERVIEW…. considering her background, I’m not sure why she had to (besides politics of course!)

My father does interviews. On the radio and for documentaries I mean. I don’t think he has dressed up and gone for an interview in maybe 30 years and if he did, his reputation proceeded him.  I aspire to be like that when I grow up. Not in any particular order, but I hope to make my work so exemplary that it speaks for me. So many people choose to be mediocre and the fascination with being average is beyond me. Turning 65 and having been a worker my whole life is utterly unappealing to me.  I want to make a difference in my life and in the lives of other people. I want to make a difference in my community.

I just don’t want life to stop at mediocre.  Mediocre is that glass ceiling.  I am not good with illusions.  GLASS CEILINGS are illusions created by people who would not be successful when judged based on actual skill.  FAITH  in yourself allows you to see the glass ceiling and know that it is not your floor.  Buildings have ceilings…. Don’t take the elevator or the stairs…. STEP OUTSIDE [the box] and go for a walk…. The Sky [is the limit] and the Sky has no ceiling…. THE SKY IS THE LIMIT AND IT HAS NO CEILING, BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO STEP OUTSIDE THE BOX.

On Becoming Self Made: What to Do With Energy Suckers (Or If You Are One)

I am not content getting up every single day and rushing to work on a busy NYC subway during rush hour to make someone else rich.

I am not content to sit next to all of these miserable people who hate their jobs but will not do anything to change their situation.

I am not content surrounding myself with people who can turn the very best of things into something negative.

Some of us are surrounded by people who have manifested misery and live in that filth each and every day. Even with our motivation, we can get sucked into unhappiness by the sheer concept of physics saying that energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transferred from one entity to another.  Every thought we put out in the universe is either absorbed into our very being or shared with those around us.  When you wake up in a bad mood and experience some sort of positivity that shifts our moods, that negative energy has been placed somewhere, even if you have no idea where that is. Maybe a stranger smiled at you and you took the blessing and returned it by putting that bad mojo on someone else. Maybe you got a free coffee and instantly, that act of kindness cleared the devil’s playground.

At that moment, there are two people involved. The giver of energy and the taker of energy. As you evaluate WHICH one of those people you are, consider what you are doing to shift and begin to give off better energy and what you are doing to recover from receiving negative energy from someone who needed your blessing.

I had one coworker a while ago that I felt very spiritually connected to that told me “if you give away all of your positive energy to the people you encounter, what will you have left for yourself?!” And let me tell you something, even as I write, it is touching me to my core.  I give away ALL of my positive energy all the time and normally I have none left for myself. And I can’t help it. I don’t have it in me to horde even an ounce of positive energy when I meet someone who needs it. Every day I wake up and somehow my positive energy has been recharged to 100%.  People do not understand why or how I am able to see the most positive in people even when on the surface it seems like there is none. But I feel the energy in the trees and the air. I see the desire in people’s eyes to be better. I see the pain in people’s heart when are not who they want to be.  To be 100% honest, I have no idea where my positivity comes from. It doesn’t feel like a choice. I mean, it feels like it is what I am supposed to be so that people around me will feed off of it. And that goes back to giving away all of my energy.  I truly do not believe that my “positive disposition” (as so many people call it) is a choice.  When I start spewing that extra positive ish, the people I speak to leave content and I feel drained, yet complete.  Do we really believe that everyone serves their own particular and individual purpose?  Do we believe God has put us here to complete a task?  I believe that and I believe my sole purpose is to get other people to see the great in life and to see their own potential.

But I am still human.  What am I supposed to do after I share my jewels?  What am I supposed to do when I enter a situation with positivity and express motivation to the people around me and exit feeling even less than blah?  I would love to say that it is easy to recover from encountering an Energy Sucker, but it most certainly is not. So many of us start out positive and motivated, but every time we share our dreams with certain people, it feels like our dreams died before they even became a complete thought.  Energy Suckers have the ability to take your best qualities and turn them into a flaw right before your eyes and normally the “flaws” that they point out are things that society views as a “benefit”.  How are these people able to point out something extraordinary and make someone else think it is actually a flaw?!  Do we have to keep our “journey to a better life” a secret until we actually succeed?

Before you start reading my recommendations, I want you to stop and think.  Just stop, close your eyes and think about how quickly the actions of someone else can change your mood.  Think about how you feel about everything that happens after your mood changes if you are not in a place to stop it from affecting you.  Think about how many times you are upset and you do not know why (Hint: Those feelings are not your own.  They are taken from others and made to seem like they are your own in your own mind.  How many times are you watching a show or saw something terrible on the news and start to get mad cuz you feel like it’s happening to you!?  Your whole mood changes).

Ok, so you know what an Energy Sucker is and you know that you have them in your life.  Now what?  The simplest, most obvious, yet not carried out answer is, avoid the negativity.  I do not care if it your mother, sister, boyfriend, friend, or boss.  Avoid the negativity!  Notice that I did not say avoid the person.  I said avoid the negativity.  Pretend like those negative actions, thoughts, or words are a bird and DUCK!  Seriously, you know the people you love enough to know what signs to look out for when you know a storm is coming!  You can still have Energy Suckers in your life if you know when to walk away.  Walk away before you start to feel bad.  Also, walking away does not have to mean physically walking.  It can also mean ending a conversation, even if your ego does not want you to.  It means knowing that the person you are “talking” to is NOT TRYING TO BE RIGHT, they are trying to steal your energy.  The purpose of learning this is because there are some people, for example your boss, that you cannot logically avoid.  However, you can avoid the negativity by “walking away” verbally.

Avoid these people when your motivation is peaking!  If you know a good thought is coming, write it down or go to the person or people you know have the same motivational spirit as you.  Do not, and I repeat, do not share your motivation or desires with Energy Suckers because I guarantee you, you will be disappointed.  They will convince you that you have failed even before you finish your sentence.

Get new friends.  Okay, so this should have been number 1, because most of us do not know how or when to walk away.  Many of us try to walk away right before the negativity strikes, but miss the mark by a second and get sucked in.  Some people such as parents, siblings or other family members will be in our lives forever, but friendships and relationships ARE VOLUNTARY!!!!  Anyone who knows me knows I am big on happiness at all costs, so I will walk away in a second if I feel I am being taken advantage of.  I am consistent when it comes to being there for my friends, but when it comes to my personal sanity, I share my life desires ONLY with people I know will share my enthusiasm.  I love Drake, but I do not share his belief in “No New Friends”.  Additionally,  when it comes to things such as jobs, it may not be easy but you may have to get a new job or career.  Most of us are scared to do it, but I can attest to the Creator having another plan and if we are not meant to be in a certain job, we will not remain!

Stay busy.  So I posted something on my Instagram yesterday that said “So focused that you don’t care who is fake or who f**ks you over.  Literally tunnel vision.”  It is seriously facts and I couldn’t say it any better!  If you are focused and driven and working on making a bomb ass life, anything that someone says to you that does not radiate positivity will go right over your head.  It will go right over your head “because you will not understand it”.  The more you understand the motivated life, the less you will understand or even be able to tolerate the unmotivated, miserable and misery loves company life.  Motivation is infectious the same way misery is infectious.  Get on that boat and see how fast you sail away from those Energy Suckers.

Remember, you cannot save an Energy Sucker.  This MIGHT BE the most important recommendation when avoiding the pain that evolves from dealing with an Energy Sucker.  Trying to save an Energy Sucker will completely drain you of the positivity that you can share with people who actually want it from you. As we are intended to be in God’s image, God helps those who help themselves and so should we!  There is a difference actually helping someone and getting used by someone to steal your joy.  Knowing the difference may be hard, but by how we feel around then, it is normally easy.

This last part is for anyone who is considered or considers themselves to be an Energy Sucker.  “Misery loves company” is not something to be proud of. If you wake up every day and feel bad for yourself, you have two choices: either leave the people who love you but are motivated to do better alone or wash your mind of the negativity and become motivated yourself.  I hope I reach as many people as possible so that all Energy Suckers can go have a seat because I do not believe being an Energy Sucker is uncontrollable!  I believe Energy Suckers get a high out of attempting to break other people’s spirit intentionally.  Regardless of what caused a person to become an Energy Sucker, they have the ability to embrace their own positivity that they choose not to harvest.

As I end this piece, I must say that writing this has been therapeutic for me.  It has allowed me to see the true intentions of people around me that I did not even realize were part of the Energy Sucker Gang.  Tapping into this creative part of my mind really opens up the average part of my brain.  Hope I have done the same for you all!

Till next time!

What Happens When the Creator Makes You Uncomfortable

As humans, we look at the word discomfort and align it with our feelings without actually evaluating them. 

A feeling that is so strong yet often overlooked is the feeling of discomfort when God wants you to change.  The feeling can be miscommunicated as failure or unhappiness when it is actually a coercion to change something in your life. 

Have you ever noticed that when something goes wrong in your life, every time you recover from it and do not make the effort to make a change, it seems to keep going wrong but each time it goes wrong it is worse than the time before?  Our human ego fights against the desire to give up and we must make a choice between fight and flight. Fight normally takes over until what we view as pain gets too unbearable. Our friends and loved ones who are not going through what we are going through do their best to give us advice. Even though what they say makes sense, our egos cannot be brought to give up. Giving up looks like failure (man-made) and the last thing our egos will allow us to do is FAIL! (even though the feelings resulting from the need to change resembles failure, causing our ego and our low self esteem to battle.) The “pain” we feel becomes our “battle scars” and we “take what we learn into the next phase of our lives”. The feeling of accomplishment upon overcoming that feeling of “pain” is the best trophy one can receive, right?  The next time we get into this situation, we will do it so differently, right?! 

But how many times have we done it differently- honestly? How many times do we stay in this new situation because we are embarrassed that we allowed it to happen again?  Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice…. Or maybe it’s just easier to settle…. become COMFORTABLE with being UNCOMFORTABLE…. but what does that really mean?  Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is not about REMAINING uncomfortable. It is about stepping into that discomfort and dealing with it as opposed to avoiding it but feeling the pain.  Be comfortable with the fact that you are uncomfortable for a reason and because of your purpose, you must not remain stagnant. Be comfortable with the fact that if you allow the Creator to guide your life, regardless of what God you believe in, the discomfort will turn into your own personal success. It will BE your story. The discomfort (or what you view as discomfort) will shape your legacy. Not your legacy based on the success of others, or even what you believe your success to be. Your version of success and God’s version of your purpose can be two completely different things. 

Please do not confuse the feeling of discomfort with the feeling of failure. Similar feelings of anxiety will confuse you and allow your mind to feel battered. 

EVERYTHING I AM DOING IN MY CURRENT JOB AND IN MY CURRENT LIFE IS PREPARING ME FOR DESTINY. Let me repeat that uncapitalized. Everything I am doing at my current job and in my current life is preparing me for my destiny.  Stop fighting with your current situation and sit in it. Sit in what you are experiencing and notice the impact it is having on your mental state. Take note of how people treat you. Notice what you eat during lunch. Notice how many times you snack. Notice what your coworkers or clients say to you that sets you off. These signs will give you an idea of the person you are becoming and you can decide if you want to remain this person or make some changes.  

In my personal opinion, not knowing you have a divine purpose or not knowing what your passion is can be ignorantly blissful, but knowing what your passion is and not hitting the ground running with it or not knowing how to carry it out is painful.  Knowing you have a passion and purpose but not making the effort to understand what it is is detrimental to your sanity. 

What we fail to realize deep in that artificial depression is that while God is making you uncomfortable in the situation he does not want you to be in, he is sprinkling you with the most amazing and remarkable signs. If you are not careful, you will look at those signs as yet another thing showing you how wrong your life is and how right everyone else’s life is. Not realizing that if any ONE person can complete something, ANYONE can complete something. If it were truly impossible and you saw not one single person doing it, fine, but how UNBLESSED do you have to be that God would consistently show you something amazing that you could not accomplish? The Creator is just gonna make you uncomfortable in your space (business or personal), ruin your mood, and then show you all of these visions of people doing better than you?  How cruel is that?! OR is the actual order of events 1. Make you uncomfortable to wake you up out of your rat race, 2. Shift your mood so that you do not get back in your habit of doing the norm and 3. Show you that other people have accomplished something so you have the motivation and formula to do it yourself?  

God, the Creator, whatever you in your spiritual being and mind call him or her, wants you to be successful. God, in his infinite wisdom, created you in his image. Some people believe that humans are God having a human experience, so every ounce of you is GOD, God is running through even atom of your body, every drop of blood and you have no room to fail at his personal mission. Failure on a cosmic scale is not about not succeeding at what you do. Failure is when you do not allow your destiny, your fate, your divine reason of being to be ever present in the forefront of your life.  Failure is when God makes you uncomfortable and you find a way to SURVIVE and ADAPT to that uncomfortability without discovering the reason for it.  YOU CAN ONLY FAIL YOURSELF! You can’t even fail God because you are given every tool you need to be successful, so God has done all he can to ensure that you DON’T fail yourself. YOU CAN FAIL NO MAN…. Disappointing your parents, family, friends or employers is of no consequence to you. Your relationship with success is between you and the Creator, so whatever you do, even in the dark, will always be visible to you and God. When you try to hide failure from those around you, those that really matter will always be aware of your actions. You will always be with yourself and God will always be with you. When your biggest cheerleaders are you and God, you’ve already won the game.

Stuck In The Cube

7:22am on the train going to work is definitely one of the best reasons to start your own business. Not a smile in sight and I am already stressed from getting my 5 year old dressed to get on the bus so I can make it to work by 8am so I can leave at 4:30pm to be home by 6pm….

Home by 6pm to get myself and my son ready to go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow. Of course if you are a mother, you know that you have fit in cooking, cleaning, baths and homework in between the time you get home and the time you go to sleep. And even with no kids, everybody has something to do to make sure the next day goes relatively smooth. Which has to be done between 6pm-9pm if you don’t want to be dead tired the next day. So Monday to Thursday, it’s a hamster wheel. Wake up, get ready, get my son ready, drop him at the bus, make my way to work with my first fight through NYC rush hour, work for 9 hours (cuz you know corporate doesn’t pay you for lunch!), get on the subway during rush hour in NYC for the second time, get my son, do homework, cook, clean, and then go to sleep. Oh, but wait, then Friday gets here and I have the illusion of freedom! What is Friday? A day that the bosses don’t mind if I take an extra 15 minutes of lunch or leave 5 minutes early. Maybe you go out with your friends or significant other and have a drink to ease the stress of the week. Come home extra late simply cuz you can and try to sleep in Saturday but you know the chores won’t get done if you do or you’ll be late to your kids karate or ballet class.

Saturday might be the best day of the week. Some of us don’t work and don’t have to work Sunday either, so needless to say, we try to cram our whole lives into Saturday so we can relax on Sunday. Parties, weddings, trips, oh my! How many of us can fit in a mall at one time?! When we finally make it to Sunday, the anxiety starts to creep up because once it’s over, that rat race begins all over again.

That cubicle is no joke. Four walls and a doorway but no door can really make one feel as though they are stuck in a hole they cannot get out of (cue the sunken place!). Is it the fear of failure that makes us stay? Is it the fear of success? Or a combination of both? Accomplishments come in the form of degrees and stunt our growth. While many of us believe that degrees are designed to get us a good job so we can climb the “corporate ladder of success”, why do we not consider the concept that degrees are to make us more seasoned, cultured people ready to strive for personal fulfillment? Why can’t we use the information we got from our degrees to kick start our entrepreneurial journey?

The cubicle is like a invisible forcefield, not allowing anything in or out, and even though we can’t see the forcefield, we can feel it. Feel the power that the security of a “good paying job with benefits and paid vacation time” gives us and do not beg to differ. But what happens when the Creator makes you uncomfortable? Does it mean you begin to hate your job and yourself for hating “such a good job”? Or does it make you sit back and evaluate the discomfort and where it stems from? Will you evaluate the direction in which you are being pointed?

Part Two Coming Next Sunday

What Happens When The Creator Makes You Uncomfortable?

 

Why We Procrastinate and 5 Tips on Planning

Why We Procrastinate and 5 Tips on Planning

According to Google, procrastination is:

pro·cras·ti·na·tion
prəˌkrastəˈnāSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. the action of delaying or postponing something.
    “your first tip is to avoid procrastination”

Allow me to alter your view of procrastination just a smidgen!

Summer is coming and many of us are going on vacation. We workout, we shop, we get our hair and nails done.  Time is going so slow, yet our vacay gets here so quick! I know for me, I usually pack the day before I go and the morning of, lol, because I suppose the anticipation of vacation is intoxicating to me.  So we wake up the first day of our vacay, put on our airport outfit, sunglasses, big hat, flip flops and all and head to the airport. Hopefully you have some headphones to cancel out the noise and to watch a movie or two so you can get to wherever you are going quickly cuz the anticipation of beaches and sun is just too much for you at this point!

Finally!  You head out the airport with luggage in hand and begin the best week of your year so far.  Drinks, dancing and great company, you stay up all night so the time does not go by too fast, but even with all of your effort, Sunday is here and it is time to go home and probably back to your job tomorrow.  That overwhelming feeling of anxiety takes over and we wonder “What could I have done differently over this past week to have made it more fulfilling?” or “Man, I wish I could just start this week over and do this vacation again cuz I had such a great time!”  We promise ourselves that next time we won’t sleep as long, take so long to pick an outfit for the day or spend so much time in the morning tanning on the beach, all so we can have the illusion that our vacation was longer than it actually was (even though technically the hours do not change!)

The same exact thing happens during the holiday season.  It has become so intoxicating that even people who do not practice the Christian religion jump on the black-Friday-to-New-Years-Day bandwagon!  From the day after Thanksgiving until the day after New Year’s Eve, we shop, we decorate and we have tons and tons of parties, so most of us have to sign up for the gym come January!  My favorite part is shopping for my son and wrapping his gifts then making cookies with him and putting them out for Santa with some Hershey’s Cookies & Crème milk (cuz my son is too fancy for regular ole milk LOL).  I also have a Christmas Club that I have set up where I put $20 every two weeks so that come Christmas, I had my cheddar stacked!  Working at an office building in Corporate America with different departments on my floor means many office parties and many cookie baskets! 

Then comes Christmas Eve.  We all say our “Happy Holidays” and get ready for the big day and our bosses even let us leave at 3pm instead of 5pm (aren’t the sweet?!)!  Christmas, where we see the results of weeks of decorating and shopping and a glowing, beautiful tree that we put together with our kids (then put the grown-up finishing touches after they go to sleep – I know I am not the only one!).  After putting the kids to sleep, we sneak into the living room where the cookies and milk are and eat 3 out of 4 and take a big bite of the last one and gulp down the milk, leaving a note from Santa saying “Thanks for the milk and cookies, Sam! Ho ho ho! –Love Santa” signing as we think Santa would, quickly put the rest of the gifts under the tree and go off to bed ourselves, only to be woken up a few hours later to “Mom, Santa ate alllllll the cookies except one and drank the milk and even left me a note!  Wake up, I want to open my presents!”

And we are beaming as our kids and family members open their gifts.  After all, this was an event months and, more often than not, hundreds or thousands of dollars in the making!  However, as the wrapping paper that you handpicked and so carefully applied is ripped off and ready for the garbage, your smile fades and that same on-the-plane-after-your-vacation-is-over anxiety starts to build up again and you realize that your high is coming to an end.

What does this have to do with procrastination? Anticipation may be the key.  We feel best when we have something to look forward to, when we have something to work towards.  We procrastinate so that our excitement lasts as long as possible, because if we start a project that is due too early, what do we have to look forward to?

I have heard people say (and said myself) I work better under pressure and I realize while this has some merit, it is not entirely true.  The anticipation is building from the moment we find out we have a task until it is complete.  If we complete it shortly before it is due, that excitement is intensified because not only has that intensity been building, we also are “living on the edge” taking a risk because there is not much time to complete what we have to do, but we know we will, so it is also a sense of accomplishment.  The problem with procrastination is that it is short lived and often hastily thrown together at the last minute without the proper planning.

What can we do to alleviate procrastination or turn it into something that benefits us?

  1. Do not depend on large events or tasks to make you feel fulfilled.

Don’t wait for Christmas or birthdays to spend time with your family or give out gifts.  Plan Sunday dinners or gift giving events just so that the feeling of joy can be felt throughout the year.  For example, once summer comes, I know that every Saturday, my mother, son and I go to the beach and then go to the local seafood restaurant to eat afterwards.  We wake up early, meet up and take the bus to the beach and when we’ve had enough sun, we walk through this amazing nature filled area to the longest seafood strip ever and choose a restaurant to get our eat on!  We pick two kinds of food to share and each week either my mother or I get the drinks.  

  1. Do a little bit each day, but wait for the main course till the end.

Treat your task like a meal.  Have a drink, sample the appetizer, but wait to chow down on the main course!  This will give you the ability to properly plan whatever you are doing (i.e. homework, a work assignment, packing for vacation, etc.) while enjoying the feeling of doing it at the last minute (i.e. when going on vacation, fold all of the clothes and create a list of toiletries that you need, but wait to pack them all until “the last minute”).       

  1. Set a weekly goal.

Set a daily goal even, depending on how you feel.  This can be a goal for work, for fun, for a business venture, for school and even just for a personal spa day.  It does not have to be a major goal, it only needs to make you feel good when you are looking forward to doing and completing it.  I am a nerd for preparing my family’s monthly finances, so I normally spend the last week of the month doing this.  Other goals can include: setting family chores, organizing your email, putting together a healthy eating checklist or meal prepping, and organizing that Sunday dinner I mentioned in number 1!

  1. In preparation of #5, complete everything you need to do the evening before your “break day (your Do Not Disturb)”.

I swear this is easier than it sounds!  It is like a race, if you run full speed ahead, you may win the race, but you will run straight passed the finish line and your trophy and run smack into a wall or off a cliff!   I guarantee you, if you work and play non-stop from Monday to Sunday, you will not enjoy and appreciate your accomplishments.  It is one of the main reasons why we procrastinate.  WE DO NOT FEEL LIKE WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING!!!!  However, if you slow down just shy of the finish line, not only will you win, you will also have the ability to enjoy the accomplishments of the week and allow yourself the luxury of having the energy and momentum to plan the next week as well.

  1. Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” for an entire day (My FAVE and the one I find most important AND helpful. Again, this is easier than it sounds!).

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you do not respond.  It does, however, mean that you allow yourself the right to choose when, how & TO WHOM you respond.  I have my phone on regular mode 6 days out of the week and I enjoy the group chats between my mother, sister and I as well as the funny pictures my co-workers and friends send me.  However, in preparation for Sunday, my phone goes on “Do Not Disturb” as soon as I am ready to close my eyes the night before.  I work on me on Sundays.  I sleep late without having to wonder if the ping of text messages or the ring of a call will wake me.  I have conversations with my 5 years old, I write, I work on my present and future business plans, I do the laundry, I watch shows I previously DVRed and did not have time to watch.  The point is I do me, which is a luxury we are not always afforded with the explosion of social media and the need for working overtime to make ends meet.   

Plan for the week ahead if you want.  Do something that you cannot do with your emails, texts and phone calls coming through your phone like Grand Central Station during rush hour!  

PROCRASTINATION IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT GET THINGS DONE!  It is the fear of losing the feeling of prolonged self-gratification!

Life is too short.  Allow yourself the passionate feelings of self-gratification all year long while still getting stuff done!