On Becoming Self Made: What to Do With Energy Suckers (Or If You Are One)

On Becoming Self Made: What to Do With Energy Suckers (Or If You Are One)Discontentment.

I am not content getting up every single day and rushing to work on a busy NYC subway during rush hour to make someone else rich.

I am not content to sit next to all of these miserable people who hate their jobs but will not do anything to change their situation.

I am not content surrounding myself with people who can turn the very best of things into something negative.

Some of us are surrounded by people who have manifested misery and live in that filth each and every day. Even with our motivation, we can get sucked into unhappiness by the sheer concept of physics saying that energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transferred from one entity to another.  Every thought we put out in the universe is either absorbed into our very being or shared with those around us.  When you wake up in a bad mood and experience some sort of positivity that shifts our moods, that negative energy has been placed somewhere, even if you have no idea where that is. Maybe a stranger smiled at you and you took the blessing and returned it by putting that bad mojo on someone else. Maybe you got a free coffee and instantly, that act of kindness cleared the devil’s playground.

At that moment, there are two people involved. The giver of energy and the taker of energy. As you evaluate WHICH one of those people you are, consider what you are doing to shift and begin to give off better energy and what you are doing to recover from receiving negative energy from someone who needed your blessing.

I had one coworker a while ago that I felt very spiritually connected to that told me “if you give away all of your positive energy to the people you encounter, what will you have left for yourself?!” And let me tell you something, even as I write, it is touching me to my core.  I give away ALL of my positive energy all the time and normally I have none left for myself. And I can’t help it. I don’t have it in me to horde even an ounce of positive energy when I meet someone who needs it. Every day I wake up and somehow my positive energy has been recharged to 100%.  People do not understand why or how I am able to see the most positive in people even when on the surface it seems like there is none. But I feel the energy in the trees and the air. I see the desire in people’s eyes to be better. I see the pain in people’s heart when are not who they want to be.  To be 100% honest, I have no idea where my positivity comes from. It doesn’t feel like a choice. I mean, it feels like it is what I am supposed to be so that people around me will feed off of it. And that goes back to giving away all of my energy.  I truly do not believe that my “positive disposition” (as so many people call it) is a choice.  When I start spewing that extra positive ish, the people I speak to leave content and I feel drained, yet complete.  Do we really believe that everyone serves their own particular and individual purpose?  Do we believe God has put us here to complete a task?  I believe that and I believe my sole purpose is to get other people to see the great in life and to see their own potential.

But I am still human.  What am I supposed to do after I share my jewels?  What am I supposed to do when I enter a situation with positivity and express motivation to the people around me and exit feeling even less than blah?  I would love to say that it is easy to recover from encountering an Energy Sucker, but it most certainly is not. So many of us start out positive and motivated, but every time we share our dreams with certain people, it feels like our dreams died before they even became a complete thought.  Energy Suckers have the ability to take your best qualities and turn them into a flaw right before your eyes and normally the “flaws” that they point out are things that society views as a “benefit”.  How are these people able to point out something extraordinary and make someone else think it is actually a flaw?!  Do we have to keep our “journey to a better life” a secret until we actually succeed?

Before you start reading my recommendations, I want you to stop and think.

Just stop, close your eyes and think about how quickly the actions of someone else can change your mood.  Think about how you feel about everything that happens after your mood changes if you are not in a place to stop it from affecting you.  Think about how many times you are upset and you do not know why (Hint: Those feelings are not your own.  They are taken from others and made to seem like they are your own in your own mind.  How many times are you watching a show or saw something terrible on the news and start to get mad cuz you feel like it’s happening to you!?  Your whole mood changes).

Ok, so you know what an Energy Sucker is and you know that you have them in your life.  Now what?  The simplest, most obvious, yet not carried out answer is, avoid the negativity.  I do not care if it your mother, sister, boyfriend, friend, or boss.  Avoid the negativity!  Notice that I did not say avoid the person.  I said avoid the negativity.  Pretend like those negative actions, thoughts, or words are a bird and DUCK!  Seriously, you know the people you love enough to know what signs to look out for when you know a storm is coming!  You can still have Energy Suckers in your life if you know when to walk away.  Walk away before you start to feel bad.  Also, walking away does not have to mean physically walking.  It can also mean ending a conversation, even if your ego does not want you to.  It means knowing that the person you are “talking” to is NOT TRYING TO BE RIGHT, they are trying to steal your energy.  The purpose of learning this is because there are some people, for example your boss, that you cannot logically avoid.  However, you can avoid the negativity by “walking away” verbally.

Avoid these people when your motivation is peaking!  If you know a good thought is coming, write it down or go to the person or people you know have the same motivational spirit as you.  Do not, and I repeat, do not share your motivation or desires with Energy Suckers because I guarantee you, you will be disappointed.  They will convince you that you have failed even before you finish your sentence.

Get new friends.  Okay, so this should have been number 1, because most of us do not know how or when to walk away.  Many of us try to walk away right before the negativity strikes, but miss the mark by a second and get sucked in.  Some people such as parents, siblings or other family members will be in our lives forever, but friendships and relationships ARE VOLUNTARY!!!!  Anyone who knows me knows I am big on happiness at all costs, so I will walk away in a second if I feel I am being taken advantage of.  I am consistent when it comes to being there for my friends, but when it comes to my personal sanity, I share my life desires ONLY with people I know will share my enthusiasm.  I love Drake, but I do not share his belief in “No New Friends”.  Additionally,  when it comes to things such as jobs, it may not be easy but you may have to get a new job or career.  Most of us are scared to do it, but I can attest to the Creator having another plan and if we are not meant to be in a certain job, we will not remain!

Stay busy.  So I posted something on my Instagram yesterday that said “So focused that you don’t care who is fake or who f**ks you over.  Literally tunnel vision.”  It is seriously facts and I couldn’t say it any better!  If you are focused and driven and working on making a bomb ass life, anything that someone says to you that does not radiate positivity will go right over your head.  It will go right over your head “because you will not understand it”.  The more you understand the motivated life, the less you will understand or even be able to tolerate the unmotivated, miserable and misery loves company life.  Motivation is infectious the same way misery is infectious.  Get on that boat and see how fast you sail away from those Energy Suckers.

Remember, you cannot save an Energy Sucker.  This MIGHT BE the most important recommendation when avoiding the pain that evolves from dealing with an Energy Sucker.  Trying to save an Energy Sucker will completely drain you of the positivity that you can share with people who actually want it from you. As we are intended to be in God’s image, God helps those who help themselves and so should we!  There is a difference actually helping someone and getting used by someone to steal your joy.  Knowing the difference may be hard, but by how we feel around then, it is normally easy.

This last part is for anyone who is considered or considers themselves to be an Energy Sucker.  “Misery loves company” is not something to be proud of. If you wake up every day and feel bad for yourself, you have two choices: either leave the people who love you but are motivated to do better alone or wash your mind of the negativity and become motivated yourself.  I hope I reach as many people as possible so that all Energy Suckers can go have a seat because I do not believe being an Energy Sucker is uncontrollable!  I believe Energy Suckers get a high out of attempting to break other people’s spirit intentionally.  Regardless of what caused a person to become an Energy Sucker, they have the ability to embrace their own positivity that they choose not to harvest.

As I end this piece, I must say that writing this has been therapeutic for me.  It has allowed me to see the true intentions of people around me that I did not even realize were part of the Energy Sucker Gang.  Tapping into this creative part of my mind really opens up the average part of my brain.  Hope I have done the same for you all!

Till next time!

What Happens When the Creator Makes You Uncomfortable

What Happens When the Creator Makes You UncomfortableDiscomfort.

As humans, we look at the word discomfort and align it with our feelings without actually evaluating them. 

A feeling that is so strong yet often overlooked is the feeling of discomfort when God wants you to change.  The feeling can be miscommunicated as failure or unhappiness when it is actually a coercion to change something in your life. 

Have you ever noticed that when something goes wrong in your life, every time you recover from it and do not make the effort to make a change, it seems to keep going wrong but each time it goes wrong it is worse than the time before?  Our human ego fights against the desire to give up and we must make a choice between fight and flight. Fight normally takes over until what we view as pain gets too unbearable. Our friends and loved ones who are not going through what we are going through do their best to give us advice. Even though what they say makes sense, our egos cannot be brought to give up. Giving up looks like failure (man-made) and the last thing our egos will allow us to do is FAIL! (even though the feelings resulting from the need to change resembles failure, causing our ego and our low self esteem to battle.) The “pain” we feel becomes our “battle scars” and we “take what we learn into the next phase of our lives”. The feeling of accomplishment upon overcoming that feeling of “pain” is the best trophy one can receive, right?  The next time we get into this situation, we will do it so differently, right?! 

But how many times have we done it differently- honestly? How many times do we stay in this new situation because we are embarrassed that we allowed it to happen again?  Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice…. Or maybe it’s just easier to settle…. become COMFORTABLE with being UNCOMFORTABLE…. but what does that really mean?  Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is not about REMAINING uncomfortable. It is about stepping into that discomfort and dealing with it as opposed to avoiding it but feeling the pain.  Be comfortable with the fact that you are uncomfortable for a reason and because of your purpose, you must not remain stagnant. Be comfortable with the fact that if you allow the Creator to guide your life, regardless of what God you believe in, the discomfort will turn into your own personal success. It will BE your story. The discomfort (or what you view as discomfort) will shape your legacy. Not your legacy based on the success of others, or even what you believe your success to be. Your version of success and God’s version of your purpose can be two completely different things. 

Please do not confuse the feeling of discomfort with the feeling of failure. Similar feelings of anxiety will confuse you and allow your mind to feel battered. 

EVERYTHING I AM DOING IN MY CURRENT JOB AND IN MY CURRENT LIFE IS PREPARING ME FOR DESTINY.

Let me repeat that uncapitalized. Everything I am doing at my current job and in my current life is preparing me for my destiny.  Stop fighting with your current situation and sit in it. Sit in what you are experiencing and notice the impact it is having on your mental state. Take note of how people treat you. Notice what you eat during lunch. Notice how many times you snack. Notice what your coworkers or clients say to you that sets you off. These signs will give you an idea of the person you are becoming and you can decide if you want to remain this person or make some changes.  

In my personal opinion, not knowing you have a divine purpose or not knowing what your passion is can be ignorantly blissful, but knowing what your passion is and not hitting the ground running with it or not knowing how to carry it out is painful.  Knowing you have a passion and purpose but not making the effort to understand what it is is detrimental to your sanity. 

What we fail to realize deep in that artificial depression is that while God is making you uncomfortable in the situation he does not want you to be in, he is sprinkling you with the most amazing and remarkable signs. If you are not careful, you will look at those signs as yet another thing showing you how wrong your life is and how right everyone else’s life is. Not realizing that if any ONE person can complete something, ANYONE can complete something. If it were truly impossible and you saw not one single person doing it, fine, but how UNBLESSED do you have to be that God would consistently show you something amazing that you could not accomplish? The Creator is just gonna make you uncomfortable in your space (business or personal), ruin your mood, and then show you all of these visions of people doing better than you?  How cruel is that?! OR is the actual order of events 1. Make you uncomfortable to wake you up out of your rat race, 2. Shift your mood so that you do not get back in your habit of doing the norm and 3. Show you that other people have accomplished something so you have the motivation and formula to do it yourself?  

God, the Creator, whatever you in your spiritual being and mind call him or her, wants you to be successful. God, in his infinite wisdom, created you in his image. Some people believe that humans are God having a human experience, so every ounce of you is GOD, God is running through even atom of your body, every drop of blood and you have no room to fail at his personal mission. Failure on a cosmic scale is not about not succeeding at what you do. Failure is when you do not allow your destiny, your fate, your divine reason of being to be ever present in the forefront of your life.  Failure is when God makes you uncomfortable and you find a way to SURVIVE and ADAPT to that uncomfortability without discovering the reason for it.  

YOU CAN ONLY FAIL YOURSELF!

You can’t even fail God because you are given every tool you need to be successful, so God has done all he can to ensure that you DON’T fail yourself. YOU CAN FAIL NO MAN…. Disappointing your parents, family, friends or employers is of no consequence to you. Your relationship with success is between you and the Creator, so whatever you do, even in the dark, will always be visible to you and God. When you try to hide failure from those around you, those that really matter will always be aware of your actions. You will always be with yourself and God will always be with you. When your biggest cheerleaders are you and God, you’ve already won the game.

Stuck In The Cube

Stuck In The Cube7:22am on the train.

Going to work during rush hour is definitely one of the best reasons to start your own business.

Not a smile in sight and I am already stressed from getting my 5 year old dressed to get on the bus so I can make it to work by 8am so I can leave at 4:30pm to be home by 6pm….

Home by 6pm to get myself and my son ready to go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow. Of course if you are a mother, you know that you have fit in cooking, cleaning, baths and homework in between the time you get home and the time you go to sleep. And even with no kids, everybody has something to do to make sure the next day goes relatively smooth. Which has to be done between 6pm-9pm if you don’t want to be dead tired the next day. So Monday to Thursday, it’s a hamster wheel. Wake up, get ready, get my son ready, drop him at the bus, make my way to work with my first fight through NYC rush hour, work for 9 hours (cuz you know corporate doesn’t pay you for lunch!), get on the subway during rush hour in NYC for the second time, get my son, do homework, cook, clean, and then go to sleep. Oh, but wait, then Friday gets here and I have the illusion of freedom! What is Friday? A day that the bosses don’t mind if I take an extra 15 minutes of lunch or leave 5 minutes early. Maybe you go out with your friends or significant other and have a drink to ease the stress of the week. Come home extra late simply cuz you can and try to sleep in Saturday but you know the chores won’t get done if you do or you’ll be late to your kids karate or ballet class.

Saturday might be the best day of the week. Some of us don’t work and don’t have to work Sunday either, so needless to say, we try to cram our whole lives into Saturday so we can relax on Sunday. Parties, weddings, trips, oh my! How many of us can fit in a mall at one time?! When we finally make it to Sunday, the anxiety starts to creep up because once it’s over, that rat race begins all over again.

That cubicle is no joke.

Four walls and a doorway but no door can really make one feel as though they are stuck in a hole they cannot get out of (cue the sunken place!). Is it the fear of failure that makes us stay? Is it the fear of success? Or a combination of both? Accomplishments come in the form of degrees and stunt our growth. While many of us believe that degrees are designed to get us a good job so we can climb the “corporate ladder of success”, why do we not consider the concept that degrees are to make us more seasoned, cultured people ready to strive for personal fulfillment? Why can’t we use the information we got from our degrees to kick start our entrepreneurial journey?

The cubicle is like a invisible forcefield, not allowing anything in or out, and even though we can’t see the forcefield, we can feel it. Feel the power that the security of a “good paying job with benefits and paid vacation time” gives us and do not beg to differ. But what happens when the Creator makes you uncomfortable? Does it mean you begin to hate your job and yourself for hating “such a good job”? Or does it make you sit back and evaluate the discomfort and where it stems from? Will you evaluate the direction in which you are being pointed?

Part Two Coming Next Sunday

What Happens When The Creator Makes You Uncomfortable?

 

Why We Procrastinate and 5 Tips on Planning

Why We Procrastinate and 5 Tips on PlanningAccording to Google, procrastination is:

pro·cras·ti·na·tion
prəˌkrastəˈnāSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. the action of delaying or postponing something.
    “your first tip is to avoid procrastination”

Summer is coming and many of us are going on vacation. We workout, we shop, we get our hair and nails done.  Time is going so slow, yet our vacay gets here so quick! I know for me, I usually pack the day before I go and the morning of, lol, because I suppose the anticipation of vacation is intoxicating to me.  So we wake up the first day of our vacay, put on our airport outfit, sunglasses, big hat, flip flops and all and head to the airport. Hopefully you have some headphones to cancel out the noise and to watch a movie or two so you can get to wherever you are going quickly cuz the anticipation of beaches and sun is just too much for you at this point!

Finally!  You head out the airport with luggage in hand and begin the best week of your year so far.  Drinks, dancing and great company, you stay up all night so the time does not go by too fast, but even with all of your effort, Sunday is here and it is time to go home and probably back to your job tomorrow.  That overwhelming feeling of anxiety takes over and we wonder “What could I have done differently over this past week to have made it more fulfilling?” or “Man, I wish I could just start this week over and do this vacation again cuz I had such a great time!”  We promise ourselves that next time we won’t sleep as long, take so long to pick an outfit for the day or spend so much time in the morning tanning on the beach, all so we can have the illusion that our vacation was longer than it actually was (even though technically the hours do not change!)

The same exact thing happens during the holiday season.  It has become so intoxicating that even people who do not practice the Christian religion jump on the black-Friday-to-New-Years-Day bandwagon!  From the day after Thanksgiving until the day after New Year’s Eve, we shop, we decorate and we have tons and tons of parties, so most of us have to sign up for the gym come January!  My favorite part is shopping for my son and wrapping his gifts then making cookies with him and putting them out for Santa with some Hershey’s Cookies & Crème milk (cuz my son is too fancy for regular ole milk LOL).  I also have a Christmas Club that I have set up where I put $20 every two weeks so that come Christmas, I had my cheddar stacked!  Working at an office building in Corporate America with different departments on my floor means many office parties and many cookie baskets! 

Then comes Christmas Eve.  We all say our “Happy Holidays” and get ready for the big day and our bosses even let us leave at 3pm instead of 5pm (aren’t the sweet?!)!  Christmas, where we see the results of weeks of decorating and shopping and a glowing, beautiful tree that we put together with our kids (then put the grown-up finishing touches after they go to sleep – I know I am not the only one!).  After putting the kids to sleep, we sneak into the living room where the cookies and milk are and eat 3 out of 4 and take a big bite of the last one and gulp down the milk, leaving a note from Santa saying “Thanks for the milk and cookies, Sam! Ho ho ho! –Love Santa” signing as we think Santa would, quickly put the rest of the gifts under the tree and go off to bed ourselves, only to be woken up a few hours later to “Mom, Santa ate alllllll the cookies except one and drank the milk and even left me a note!  Wake up, I want to open my presents!”

And we are beaming as our kids and family members open their gifts.  After all, this was an event months and, more often than not, hundreds or thousands of dollars in the making!  However, as the wrapping paper that you handpicked and so carefully applied is ripped off and ready for the garbage, your smile fades and that same on-the-plane-after-your-vacation-is-over anxiety starts to build up again and you realize that your high is coming to an end.

What does this have to do with procrastination? Anticipation may be the key.  We feel best when we have something to look forward to, when we have something to work towards.  We procrastinate so that our excitement lasts as long as possible, because if we start a project that is due too early, what do we have to look forward to?

I have heard people say (and said myself) I work better under pressure and I realize while this has some merit, it is not entirely true.  The anticipation is building from the moment we find out we have a task until it is complete.  If we complete it shortly before it is due, that excitement is intensified because not only has that intensity been building, we also are “living on the edge” taking a risk because there is not much time to complete what we have to do, but we know we will, so it is also a sense of accomplishment.  The problem with procrastination is that it is short lived and often hastily thrown together at the last minute without the proper planning.

What can we do to alleviate procrastination or turn it into something that benefits us?

  1. Do not depend on large events or tasks to make you feel fulfilled.

Don’t wait for Christmas or birthdays to spend time with your family or give out gifts.  Plan Sunday dinners or gift giving events just so that the feeling of joy can be felt throughout the year.  For example, once summer comes, I know that every Saturday, my mother, son and I go to the beach and then go to the local seafood restaurant to eat afterwards.  We wake up early, meet up and take the bus to the beach and when we’ve had enough sun, we walk through this amazing nature filled area to the longest seafood strip ever and choose a restaurant to get our eat on!  We pick two kinds of food to share and each week either my mother or I get the drinks.  

  1. Do a little bit each day, but wait for the main course till the end.

Treat your task like a meal.  Have a drink, sample the appetizer, but wait to chow down on the main course!  This will give you the ability to properly plan whatever you are doing (i.e. homework, a work assignment, packing for vacation, etc.) while enjoying the feeling of doing it at the last minute (i.e. when going on vacation, fold all of the clothes and create a list of toiletries that you need, but wait to pack them all until “the last minute”).       

  1. Set a weekly goal.

Set a daily goal even, depending on how you feel.  This can be a goal for work, for fun, for a business venture, for school and even just for a personal spa day.  It does not have to be a major goal, it only needs to make you feel good when you are looking forward to doing and completing it.  I am a nerd for preparing my family’s monthly finances, so I normally spend the last week of the month doing this.  Other goals can include: setting family chores, organizing your email, putting together a healthy eating checklist or meal prepping, and organizing that Sunday dinner I mentioned in number 1!

  1. In preparation of #5, complete everything you need to do the evening before your “break day (your Do Not Disturb)”.

I swear this is easier than it sounds!  It is like a race, if you run full speed ahead, you may win the race, but you will run straight passed the finish line and your trophy and run smack into a wall or off a cliff!   I guarantee you, if you work and play non-stop from Monday to Sunday, you will not enjoy and appreciate your accomplishments.  It is one of the main reasons why we procrastinate.  WE DO NOT FEEL LIKE WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING!!!!  However, if you slow down just shy of the finish line, not only will you win, you will also have the ability to enjoy the accomplishments of the week and allow yourself the luxury of having the energy and momentum to plan the next week as well.

  1. Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” for an entire day (My FAVE and the one I find most important AND helpful. Again, this is easier than it sounds!).

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you do not respond.  It does, however, mean that you allow yourself the right to choose when, how & TO WHOM you respond.  I have my phone on regular mode 6 days out of the week and I enjoy the group chats between my mother, sister and I as well as the funny pictures my co-workers and friends send me.  However, in preparation for Sunday, my phone goes on “Do Not Disturb” as soon as I am ready to close my eyes the night before.  I work on me on Sundays.  I sleep late without having to wonder if the ping of text messages or the ring of a call will wake me.  I have conversations with my 5 years old, I write, I work on my present and future business plans, I do the laundry, I watch shows I previously DVRed and did not have time to watch.  The point is I do me, which is a luxury we are not always afforded with the explosion of social media and the need for working overtime to make ends meet.   

Plan for the week ahead if you want.  Do something that you cannot do with your emails, texts and phone calls coming through your phone like Grand Central Station during rush hour!  

PROCRASTINATION IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT GET THINGS DONE!  It is the fear of losing the feeling of prolonged self-gratification!

Life is too short.  Allow yourself the passionate feelings of self-gratification all year long while still getting stuff done!